


31 days.

by goropankechi



Category: Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: Akechi Goro dies, Angst, Grief/Mourning, Hurt, M/M, No P5R spoilers, No proofread we die like men, Short, but it has nothing to do with the metaverse, just a little drabble, no spoilers in general, non-phantom thief au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-17 13:54:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29101347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goropankechi/pseuds/goropankechi
Summary: Akira gives himself 31 days.31 days to forget. 31 days to move on.check tags for possible trigger warnings!
Relationships: Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira
Comments: 3
Kudos: 15





	31 days.

**Author's Note:**

> so uh, this was supposed to be a full story, but january has been actual dog shit and stress ate me up for most of the month, so have this rushed, non-proofread oneshot i decided to post anyway.
> 
> enjoy!
> 
> edit: just realized this was the first shuake thing i posted here what a waste omg

**December 31st.**

Akira Kurusu was a monster.

The loud pops of fireworks exploding within the deep, night sky filled Akira's ears, the bright lights scattered across the darkness above him reflecting against his glasses and deep irises, engraving themselves in his memory.

A monster that could do nothing more than exist, miserably.

With no purpose, with no goal.

He rested his head on his hand, leaning against his open window as the faraway illuminations in the sky filled his vision, next to an enthusiastic Ryuji and an irritated Morgana. Ryuji had his arm around Akira's shoulder, slightly shaking him as he cheerfully counted down from ten, shaking the raven's otherwise motionless body in anticipation.

Usually, a small grin would be dancing on his lips at the sight of the blonde's wild antics, at Ann's desperate attempts of calming the boy down, all while she tried to contain her own excitement at the approaching celebration.

Why wasn't he smiling?

The rush of adrenaline that usually came from watching the countdown slowly tick away, hearing the enthusiastic shouts of his friends as it led itself to 0 didn't fill Akira's eyes with excitement as per usual. It didn't awaken anything within him. Hell, he wasn't even sure if it even was there in the first place.

Instead, he simply watched, aimlessly. Let the surrounding sounds drown out, eyes shutting and hands balling up into fists.

**January 1st.**

_Happy new year!_

Why didn't he feel anything inside anymore? Why was everything so numb?

The final, grandiose explosion of fireworks brought tears to Akira's eyes, the only ounce of emotion that he had felt in weeks.

Why was he tearing up?

So many questions filled his mind, to the point where he didn't notice the tears that earlier danced within his irises had made their fall down his pale cheeks, to the point where he couldn't feel Makoto's hands on his shoulders, the concerned looks his teammates gave him.

If it weren't for the promise of being left alone afterwards, Akira wouldn't even have attended this party. He would have slept through the new year, because what did it even _mean_? What was the purpose of counting down to yet another year filled with indescribable torment?

Because even if the digits he wrote on his schoolwork advanced by one number, even if the months were rewound, the ache in his heart would remain.

Even if days, months, years passed, Akira would never be able to see Akechi stand in front of him ever again.

* * *

31 days.

Akira looked at himself in the mirror, taking in the horrible sight of the dark bags under his eyes, his protruded cheekbones and pale skin pushing the fact he hadn't eaten a full, proper meal in weeks onto him.

He would give himself 31 days.

31 days to forget. 31 days to move on.

Maybe on the day of January 31st, Akira would be able to look back and smile.

Maybe.

That was plenty of time, wasn't it? Kurusu had already spent weeks wallowing over the last, determined stare Akechi had given him, sent to the younger with the promise that he would be back home soon, back to talk over a cup of coffee and back to play yet another one of their classic games of chess, back to silently reading novels together, the other's warmth being the only thing they could focus on.

He promised he would be back before dawn.

Needless to say, Akechi _never_ came back.

The last words he had given the raven hadn't felt like famous last words until after his phone had fallen out of his grip, until Sae's apologetic words had begun ringing through his mind as his breath was cut short, the feeling of his heart tightening, seemingly shrinking to the size of a mere pebble being the only thing Akira could feel.

Akechi was gone.

And Akira hadn't fully realized it yet.

He still hadn't digested the fact that he wouldn't be coming back. Even when seeing his smiling portrait, surrounded by multicoloured flowers sitting on the corner of the street. Even when his IM replies had come to an abrupt stop, only Akira's occasional hopeful texts filling the log.

But maybe one day he would reply.

One day.

When would that day come?

When would Akira finally be able to walk into the jazz club with Yusuke without having to run out seconds later, eyes teary, heart heavy?

When would it finally be possible for him not to feel his heart drop at the mere memory of the elder?

He wasn't sure.

He placed his trembling hands on the sides of the cold sink, the sound of water running filling his ears and drowning out the sound of his heavy breathing, numbing everything within him and simultaneously being the only sound keeping him from crashing onto the floor, from bursting into tears.

He wished he would have never met Akechi.

If only he had ignored him, that day, when he walked into Leblanc, soaked from head to toe.

If only he hadn't asked him to pass by again, when he had the chance.

If only he hadn't let himself.

Akira wished he would have never fallen in love.

**Author's Note:**

> forgot to mention, yes this was uploaded on january 31st on purpose :D
> 
> please do leave your thoughts in the comment section!


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